A Year Ago Today #2

 A year ago today, I stuffed my Astro van to the ceiling with all the essentials people need for their freshman year of college. I sat in the back seat and felt my stomach drop and knot as my mind became a breeding ground for nervous thoughts. I met my first ever roommates. I made small talk and pretended I was excited to be eating lunch with people I just met. My dad embarrassed me. My mom made my blood boil. I cried when they left two days later. I was alone while strangers slept beside me.

That was a year ago.

This time around, getting ready to go back to college was less big of a deal than deciding where my family was going to eat for a goodbye dinner. This time, I didn't worry.

Because I got a job in my school's writing center, I had to move in early for training. The only other people on campus until today have been students with jobs. Then the freshman started arriving, and I've been wishing I were one of them. I walked around the central spot on campus while all the freshman were gathered in groups for ice-breaker activities and I wanted so much to be in their shoes. Freshman year oozes a sense of possibility and wonderment. When you immerse yourself into something so new so quick, you believe anything is possible. My 18-year-old self discovered right away, however, that the longer you wait to pursue new things, the harder it is to make a change in yourself.

I wanted to be the girl who could stay out late with large groups of people, but my introversion and need for sleep got the best of me. I wanted to be the one who started conversation with classmates, but I was easily intimidated. I wanted to be someone that people eagerly asked to be partners with, but I believed I was boring, so others did too. Soon enough, my freshman year became a sort of death sentence. I had more anxiety and depression than any other time in my life. I also lost any relationship I had with God even though my school is know for being Christian.

So seeing the freshman in a place where I was a year ago gives me a new sense of possibility. I can still be all the things I wanted to be last year. I can be anyone I want. The good thing about being a sophomore is that college isn't a surprise. I know what to expect, so this time I don't need to be so nervous. I have friends, a job, and considerably less anxiety than last year. I  can do anything I want and I can't wait to try.  

A message my friend wrote on our last day of freshman year

On Repeat: "Shiver Shake" - Royal Hoax
This is me filling up space where other countdowns and things should go, but I have nothing to put so here are words...do you have any suggestions for new endnotes?

Also, fun fact: I met my boyfriend a year ago today, even though we didn't start talking until the end of January. I like him; he says things like "I imagine so."

Baking Adventures: July

July has been the baking adventure of all baking adventures thus far. With the help of some pretty cool people, I became a baking rockstar and now feel confident to try any far-fetched recipe I find on the internet.

Dinosaur Cake: My brother's girlfriend was born on the fourth of July, so I wanted to do something special and not red-white-and-blue themed for her birthday, which brought me to...the dinosaur cake! My boyfriend and I spent hours on this masterpiece, but the secret is that it's actually the easiest thing ever. Creativity and an open mind is key, since the spikes, sprinkles, and smile were all last-minute touches that ultimately made the cake more fun. The only stressing part was frosting the body because the cake kept crumbling and sticking to the frosting knife. Overall, super delicious, even if the frosting stained our mouthes a monstrous blue.

Neopolitan Cupcakes: Strawberry brownie cupcakes, we meet again! Instead of Betty Crocker's fudge brownie mix, we tried Duncan Hines and it didn't make as much batter since it was a lot thicker. For some reason, they didn't turn out as great as the first time we made them. Then to kick the fun up a notch, we used special frosting tips to make cool designs. Which one is your favorite? I like the seashell looking one on the middle right.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Brownie Bombs: If you want to be a rockstar in the kitchen, make these! Though they are extremely time-consuming, the effort is well worth it. First, you make cookie dough balls (without egg!) and freeze them, then bake brownies and cut them into one-inch squares. Next, you gently flatten the brownie squares in your palm and wrap them around the dough balls until they are completely covered. They are GIANT! Then you freeze them again to firm them up before dipping them in melted chocolate. Garnish with chopped white and dark chocolate for a gourmet effect. Heavenly.

The leftover chocolate inspired us to make chocolate-covered pretzels

S'mores Graham Krispie Treats: A super yummy twist on regular rice krispie treats, these are a chocolate lover's addiction. My family devoured this entire pan in less than a day which is no surprise considering I made them extra delicious by adding more chocolate chips than the recipe called for. If you were wondering, these were the treats I was trying to make when the beetle incident happened.

Ultimate Chocolate Cupcakes with Oreo Frosting: My friends and I were just hanging out in Kroger like usual when we found this Oreo frosting for 85 CENTS!!! Duh, it was cupcake party time. I made chocolate cupcakes from scratch, but I suck and over-baked them. The most disappointing part, though, was that the frosting tasted like PLASTIC! It was awful; don't buy it. But after putting the cupcakes in a container over night, they got really most and delicious and I regained my baking status as queen.

Cherry Chip Brownie Cupcakes: It has now become a tradition to make the cupcakes with brownies on the bottom every time my boyfriend comes over. We didn't have strawberry cake mix though so we used Betty Crocker's cherry chip cake mix. The result? Not as good as the strawberry kind, but c'mon, they're cupcakes so I still ate them...multiple times a day.

Bonus: Some fancy-pants bake shop in Manhattan has invented the Frozen S'more. Must try.


On Repeat: "Pretty Brown Eyes" - The Boy Band Project (Cody Simpson cover)
Currently Reading: The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
Days until I no longer have to work at Subway: 9