I was just doin' my thang, gathering the necessary supplies for a hyped up version of rice krispy treats when THE WORST THING EVER happened. As I used both hands to bring down a pan on the top shelf of my kitchen cupboard, I felt something on my left hand. I didn't have time to register what it was before I screamed and flung my hand away from a black something that was most definitely not supposed to be on my body.
But that wasn't the worst part. Oh no, sir.
After my scream, I felt a new weight in the back of my throat. Immediately, I had no doubt that the thing on my hand was a bug and it was currently in my mouth. I hurled that sucker out of my mouth, spitting all over the kitchen floor even after the bug dropped to the ground. I spit some more in the sink while swallowing water from the tap. Then I did the same in the bathroom sink, willing myself to throw up.
Only after a good 10 minutes of cleaning out my mouth did I have the guts to go back to the floor and take a look at what had violated my facial cavity. A beetle. A metallic, multicolored beetle as tall as a nickle is in diameter. You have to be really skilled to fling a bug from your hand into your mouth.
When my brother got home, he asked me who was more violated, me or the beetle? I thought about it. The poor guy must have been pretty freaked to have the little home he made in our cupboard vandalized by a giant. The short trip in my mouth probably wasn't that pleasant for him either. Still, I was not easy to make peace with Mr. Beetle. He was still alive and struggling to get out of the puddle of spit. I watched him suffer. I watched him crawl a yard to the rug under our kitchen table. I watched him disappear under the rug, where he suffocated himself to death. Suicide.
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| Mr. Beetle's one and only picture. R.I.P. ? - July 16, 2013 |
On Repeat: "When They Fight They Fight" - The Generationals
Days Until California: 14 (2 WEEKS!!!)
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