Baking Adventures: June

Red Velvet Chocolate Chip Cookies: Red velvet has deceived me. Red Velvet is the manic pixie dream girl to my sensitive teenage boy. At school, they would have these red velvet cheesecake bars and I would die every time they were served because they were seriously the most delicious things I've ever tasted. Since then, I've had this idea that red velvet is the delectable yet dangerous gem of the baking world. So when I saw these cookies on Pinterest, I had to try my start at baking something red velvet. When I first made them, I was so disappointed. They tasted like a regular chocolate chip cookie and they were super flat, and it totally turned me off to sweets for a couple of days. But I had left over mix and chocolate chips, so I made them again today when Anna, my baking bestie, came over. I put the dough in the fridge to chill instead of the freezer, and baked them for longer. They turned out wonderfully, and I actually liked them the second time around. If you make these, double the recipe or else you'll have leftover mix. Perfect for Valentine's Day :)
Would I make them again? Yes, only because Anna and my brother absolutely loved them.
Rating: First time: 1/5; Second time: 4/5

Frozen Yogurt Covered Blueberries: These barely qualify as a baked item, but they took time in the kitchen, and they could pass as candy if I was creative enough with the words in this description. I used blueberry Greek yogurt, but I think next time I'll use raspberry or strawberry. It took a while to spear each blueberry with a toothpick and cover it in yogurt, but that meant I also got a lot of time to groove to summer songs. They're surprisingly addictive for not being the best things ever.
Would I make them again? Yes
Rating: 3/5

Neapolitan Cupcakes: Baking with my boyfriend, part II! These are the best things of my life. When I die, I want to float up to heaven while cuddled on the saccharine frosting of this strawberry brownie cupcake. STRAWBERRY CAKE & BROWNIE CUPCAKE. That's heaven right there. You fill the bottom half of the cake liners with brownie mix, and the top half with strawberry cake mix, and then frost it with your favorite vanilla frosting after baking. I recommend putting the brownie half in the oven for a few minutes before you add the strawberry mix, because after the recommended 20 minutes were up, the strawberry portion was perfect, but the brownie part wasn't cooked enough. After these, I am never making normal cupcakes again.
Would I make them again? YES OMG YES YES YES
Rating: A thousand rainbows and sprinkles and smiles (5)/5

On Repeat: "LA Story" - Sammy Adams ft. Mike Posner
Currently Reading: The Last Little Blue Envelope by Maureen Johnson
Days until Colorado: 2
Days until California: 42

Baking Adventures: May

During the kitchen safety unit in high school foods class, we were always taught to close cabinet doors and drawers when we weren't searching through them so that we could prevent bumping into them and hurting ourselves. I always thought it was a dumb precaution and that anyone who ran into an open door had to be an idiot. Well today, I was turning my kitchen upside down looking for a cake pan and I became the idiot my younger self would have laughed at -- I bumped my head on the corner of an open cabinet door, smack in the middle of my forehead. I saw stars.

While I've forgotten most things I learned in high school, one thing has stuck with me. That is, when life gets stressful or boring, bake something! There is nothing a few bags of chocolate chips and tons of butter can't fix. Since I've been out of school for a month, I had the chance to channel the true glutton in me and bake a ton of goodies. Join me in my review of this month's baking adventures :)

1. Chocolate Toffee Saltine Candy
My baking-bestie and I cooked up this candy we found from a youtube video. It's basically a chocolate peanut butter bar with toffee topping, but I like to call it Instantaneous Diabetes. If I were to make it again (depending on if I feel like spending my day in a sugar coma or not), I'd use more saltine crackers and only half a bag of toffee.
Stress factor: High. This recipe requires you to work quickly or else the chocolate/peanut butter chips don't melt. I recommend not making this alone, as you'll need an extra set of hands.
Taste Rating: 4/5

ignore the crappy photo quality and take in the beauty of sugar!!!

2. Pumpkin Chip Muffins
I wanted to make something for my boyfriend's family as a thank you for letting me stay at their house over Memorial Day weekend. The recipe called for one and a half cups of canola oil (absolutely fricking ridiculous) so I replaced the half cup with applesauce to make it less fattening. Then disaster struck. I burned the first batch; all the rest came out super oily on the bottom; I didn't bake the last batch long enough so they sunk in; they tasted like nothing after coming out of the oven. I wanted to cry. Somehow by the next day though, they actually looked and tasted good so I was able to face my boyfriend's family without offering them muffins of shame.
Stress factor: Low, unless 1-1/2 cups canola oil worries you.
Taste Rating: 3/5

3. Chocolate Cake
My boyfriend loves chocolate cake. I love chocolate AND cake. So what better thing to do together than make THE BEST CHOCOLATE CAKE. It called for mini chocolate chips, but we used jumbo ones, and that made it so much better. Then, instead of homemade buttercream frosting, we used whipped vanilla from a can. Still good, considering we used almost an entire can on just the middle. Cake ain't no time for skimping. In the end, it wasn't the best chocolate cake ever, but it will always be my favorite because I made and shared it with someone who is my favorite. *smiles for miles*
Stress factor: non-existent
Taste Rating: 3/5

4. Pineapple Upside-Down Cake
My dad's birthday is tomorrow and since I'm the absolute best daughter in the entire universe, I made him his favorite. Out of everything I made in May, this was by far the most fun. The whole thing looks really complicated, but it's actually the easiest thing ever so I felt like a mega bake star. The batter tasted the best too. On the down side, this recipe came with the most dirty dishes...which have been sitting in my sink for the last eight hours. Even more unfortunate, I still have to wait at least another 18 hours to even try this masterpiece.
Stress factor: Low - medium. The directions are very precise, making it seem like if you mix the batter for a second longer than assigned, you.will.fail.
Taste Rating: 5/5 if my other senses are any indication

Bonus: Babycakes Cupcake Maker
My friend and I used her Babycakes maker to make spring funfetti cupcakes. I am in love (in love, I tell you!) with the machine. It bakes eight at a time for as little as five minutes and you can make cornbread, brownies, muffins, and like ANYTHING DELICIOUS. Ohmygoodness I want one, but when I told my mom about it, she absolutely refused to buy me one for Christmas because she's sick of my baking. Ugh, if only she wasn't so paranoid about my weight. Damn you, Freshman15.

On Repeat: "#Beautiful" - Mariah Carey ft. Miguel
Days until Colorado: 18
Days until California: 58
Days until I no longer have to work at Subway:79
Youtube video of the day: Internet Animal Impressions2

Zetus Lapetus, this is a lot of words. Did you read everything? Did you? If you did, comment saying your favorite dessert. If you didn't read everything, you make me very sad and I hope a monkey steals your favorite pair of shoes. Now weird noises are coming from upstairs and I'm home alone for the second night in a row, so I'm gonna go try not to be attacked by aliens now. Good night!

Fatties USA

Little Baby Freddy Cheese Curd

 Girls love food.  If you meet a girl who claims she doesn't love food, she's lying. So what do you do when you get together with your two best friends on a Friday night? You have an epic food party of course. The more carbs and cheese, the better. And nothing, my friends, is more cheese-infested and carbified than the colossal, the revered, the magnificent: Cheesy Cheddar Pull-Apart Bread!  I'll link you to the recipe here, but I'm warning you, this is some major food porn.

Before Baking

 This bread is probably a billion calories. Per bite. For real, let's break it down:
Between the crevices of a sliced-up loaf of bread, you slather a half cup of melted butter. Then you stuff it with four cups of cheese. If you don't think that's a lot of cheese, you must milk cows for a living because holy heart attack. Not to mention all the garlic. We put so much that I wouldn't be surprised if its sweet stench is laced throughout this post. 

After Baking

Unnnnnnnffffffffff. With so much cheese and butter on a huge piece of bread, you'd think we'd share this with my family, our neighbors, and maybe even the Brady Bunch, right? Hahahahaha no. We only gave ourselves a second to stare at its beauty before attacking it from all sides. I was dipping it in chunky salsa and the leftover butter-garlic mixture with more thirst than a crazed honey badger.  Halfway through, my friend goes, "This is why we don't have boyfriends."  Yes. Yes indeed. 

The Only Survivors

 Within ten minutes, our glutton dream was over and in turn we gained 6 pounds each and some food babies. Worth it? Yes. Although I now get queasy at the sight of cheese and fear the upcoming summer days spent in bathing suites. Fatty or not, I'm really glad I got to spend the evening with two of my favorite people. And in the end, we concluded that it's okay that we don't have boyfriends. At least this way we don't have to shave. Plus there's more food for us.



On Repeat: "Troublemaker" - Olly Murs