A Year Ago Today #2

 A year ago today, I stuffed my Astro van to the ceiling with all the essentials people need for their freshman year of college. I sat in the back seat and felt my stomach drop and knot as my mind became a breeding ground for nervous thoughts. I met my first ever roommates. I made small talk and pretended I was excited to be eating lunch with people I just met. My dad embarrassed me. My mom made my blood boil. I cried when they left two days later. I was alone while strangers slept beside me.

That was a year ago.

This time around, getting ready to go back to college was less big of a deal than deciding where my family was going to eat for a goodbye dinner. This time, I didn't worry.

Because I got a job in my school's writing center, I had to move in early for training. The only other people on campus until today have been students with jobs. Then the freshman started arriving, and I've been wishing I were one of them. I walked around the central spot on campus while all the freshman were gathered in groups for ice-breaker activities and I wanted so much to be in their shoes. Freshman year oozes a sense of possibility and wonderment. When you immerse yourself into something so new so quick, you believe anything is possible. My 18-year-old self discovered right away, however, that the longer you wait to pursue new things, the harder it is to make a change in yourself.

I wanted to be the girl who could stay out late with large groups of people, but my introversion and need for sleep got the best of me. I wanted to be the one who started conversation with classmates, but I was easily intimidated. I wanted to be someone that people eagerly asked to be partners with, but I believed I was boring, so others did too. Soon enough, my freshman year became a sort of death sentence. I had more anxiety and depression than any other time in my life. I also lost any relationship I had with God even though my school is know for being Christian.

So seeing the freshman in a place where I was a year ago gives me a new sense of possibility. I can still be all the things I wanted to be last year. I can be anyone I want. The good thing about being a sophomore is that college isn't a surprise. I know what to expect, so this time I don't need to be so nervous. I have friends, a job, and considerably less anxiety than last year. I  can do anything I want and I can't wait to try.  

A message my friend wrote on our last day of freshman year

On Repeat: "Shiver Shake" - Royal Hoax
This is me filling up space where other countdowns and things should go, but I have nothing to put so here are words...do you have any suggestions for new endnotes?

Also, fun fact: I met my boyfriend a year ago today, even though we didn't start talking until the end of January. I like him; he says things like "I imagine so."

Baking Adventures: July

July has been the baking adventure of all baking adventures thus far. With the help of some pretty cool people, I became a baking rockstar and now feel confident to try any far-fetched recipe I find on the internet.

Dinosaur Cake: My brother's girlfriend was born on the fourth of July, so I wanted to do something special and not red-white-and-blue themed for her birthday, which brought me to...the dinosaur cake! My boyfriend and I spent hours on this masterpiece, but the secret is that it's actually the easiest thing ever. Creativity and an open mind is key, since the spikes, sprinkles, and smile were all last-minute touches that ultimately made the cake more fun. The only stressing part was frosting the body because the cake kept crumbling and sticking to the frosting knife. Overall, super delicious, even if the frosting stained our mouthes a monstrous blue.

Neopolitan Cupcakes: Strawberry brownie cupcakes, we meet again! Instead of Betty Crocker's fudge brownie mix, we tried Duncan Hines and it didn't make as much batter since it was a lot thicker. For some reason, they didn't turn out as great as the first time we made them. Then to kick the fun up a notch, we used special frosting tips to make cool designs. Which one is your favorite? I like the seashell looking one on the middle right.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Brownie Bombs: If you want to be a rockstar in the kitchen, make these! Though they are extremely time-consuming, the effort is well worth it. First, you make cookie dough balls (without egg!) and freeze them, then bake brownies and cut them into one-inch squares. Next, you gently flatten the brownie squares in your palm and wrap them around the dough balls until they are completely covered. They are GIANT! Then you freeze them again to firm them up before dipping them in melted chocolate. Garnish with chopped white and dark chocolate for a gourmet effect. Heavenly.

The leftover chocolate inspired us to make chocolate-covered pretzels

S'mores Graham Krispie Treats: A super yummy twist on regular rice krispie treats, these are a chocolate lover's addiction. My family devoured this entire pan in less than a day which is no surprise considering I made them extra delicious by adding more chocolate chips than the recipe called for. If you were wondering, these were the treats I was trying to make when the beetle incident happened.

Ultimate Chocolate Cupcakes with Oreo Frosting: My friends and I were just hanging out in Kroger like usual when we found this Oreo frosting for 85 CENTS!!! Duh, it was cupcake party time. I made chocolate cupcakes from scratch, but I suck and over-baked them. The most disappointing part, though, was that the frosting tasted like PLASTIC! It was awful; don't buy it. But after putting the cupcakes in a container over night, they got really most and delicious and I regained my baking status as queen.

Cherry Chip Brownie Cupcakes: It has now become a tradition to make the cupcakes with brownies on the bottom every time my boyfriend comes over. We didn't have strawberry cake mix though so we used Betty Crocker's cherry chip cake mix. The result? Not as good as the strawberry kind, but c'mon, they're cupcakes so I still ate them...multiple times a day.

Bonus: Some fancy-pants bake shop in Manhattan has invented the Frozen S'more. Must try.


On Repeat: "Pretty Brown Eyes" - The Boy Band Project (Cody Simpson cover)
Currently Reading: The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
Days until I no longer have to work at Subway: 9

Friday Five (On Saturday)

1. I only just discovered that British people say "ladybird" instead of "ladybug". My world is shattered.

2. I also just realized that it means the same thing if you say, "That isn't yours," or "That's not yours." Contractions are fun! Think of all the possibilities! 

3. The Cocoa Almond Spread from Trader Joe's is one of the best chocolatey non-chocolates I've ever had. It's basically Nutella but made from almonds and it tastes sooooooo much better. No need for you to fret about what to gift me for holidays because this treat will be just fine until I'm old and have no teeth, in which case you can give me double.

4. The vintage Lisa Frank collection from Urban Outfitters is a total scam because I went to Meijer today and picked up some rainbow-tastic folders with smiling dolphins and big-eyed tigers on them. They're not vintage, but they're just as cute and didn't cost me any vital organs.

5. If you're a fan of both pizza and Subway, try Subway's new Flatizza. Add bacon for 50 cents* extra and OHEMGEEZLES IT IS THE BEST THING ON EARTH. Also, I frown upon you if you pass on parmesan cheese and oregano powder (who doesn't like free cheese AND extra flavor goodness?).


On Repeat: "A tout a l'heure" - Bibio
Currently Reading: The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
Days Until California: 3. *gulp*
Days until I no longer have to work at Subway:  20!!!!!!!
 

*holy crap, I also just discovered that there is no symbol for cents on the keyboard. God, Erika, what is your life.

Spit-Speckled Suicide

Today, I was assaulted.

I was just doin' my thang, gathering the necessary supplies for a hyped up version of rice krispy treats when  THE WORST THING EVER happened. As I used both hands to bring down a pan on the top shelf of my kitchen cupboard, I felt something on my left hand. I didn't have time to register what it was before I screamed and flung my hand away from a black something that was most definitely not supposed to be on my body.

But that wasn't the worst part. Oh no, sir.

After my scream, I felt a new weight in the back of my throat. Immediately, I had no doubt that the thing on my hand was a bug and it was currently in my mouth. I hurled that sucker out of my mouth, spitting all over the kitchen floor even after the bug dropped to the ground. I spit some more in the sink while swallowing water from the tap. Then I did the same in the bathroom sink, willing myself to throw up.

Only after a good 10 minutes of cleaning out my mouth did I have the guts to go back to the floor and take a look at what had violated my facial cavity. A beetle. A metallic, multicolored beetle as tall as a nickle is in diameter. You have to be really skilled to fling a bug from your hand into your mouth.

When my brother got home, he asked me who was more violated, me or the beetle? I thought about it. The poor guy must have been pretty freaked to have the little home he made in our cupboard vandalized by a giant. The short trip in my mouth probably wasn't that pleasant for him either. Still, I was not easy to make peace with Mr. Beetle. He was still alive and struggling to get out of the puddle of spit. I watched him suffer. I watched him crawl a yard to the rug under our kitchen table. I watched him disappear under the rug, where he suffocated himself to death. Suicide.

Mr. Beetle's one and only picture. R.I.P. ? - July 16, 2013

A google search told me it was a Japanese Beetle, which is a highly destructive plant pest. They were first found in the US in New Jersey in 1916. Thanks a bunch, New Jersey.


On Repeat: "When They Fight They Fight" - The Generationals
Days Until California: 14 (2 WEEKS!!!)

MySpace Reminiscence

Remember five or so years ago when Myspace was everyone's obsession and everyday there'd be dozens of personal question bulletins? For the lucky few who were never sucked into the website, I'm talking about lengthy surveys that people took and posted on myspace for all their friends to read. I loved those quizzes. No matter how dumb the questions were, I always felt like I knew the quiz-taker better after reading his or her answers. Sometimes deep and always laugh-worthy, those surveys defined the times for me. So let me take you back to a day where everyone knew the lyrics to Fergie's "Glamorous" and plaid bermuda shorts were of highest style...

1. What did you eat for breakfast?
plain nonfat greek yogurt with half a Stevia packet and a cup of mixed blueberries and raspberries

2. Someone you care about needs your help at 3AM, what do you do?
I'd help them as best I could or else I'd be tortured with guilt and worry. My friends know I'm the logical one, so hopefully they'd call me first.

3. What's the nearest furry object?
My kitty Mickey!!! :) 

4. What does the last text you received say?
"Haha ok stay safe :) I'm coming home to get some stuff"

5. Do you wear your seat belt in the car?
Yes. I feel so weird if I don't wear one.

6. Who was the last person you hugged?
My friend Erin. She gives great hugs. 

7. If you were on Death Row, what would be your last meal request?
The Beaumont Gourmet Burger from the Beaumont Grill in Ouray, CO (unffff)

8. If you could have any super power, what would it be?
The ability to read minds...or to go back in time to the first day I met some of the important people in my life, just so I could remember the moment forever.

9. Where's the most beautiful place you've ever been?
This place in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. I totally forgot what it's called ahhhh, but it's like mountains...in Michigan...

10. What's your favorite kind of cookie?
White chocolate cranberry cookies from Subway

11. What do you wish to change about yourself?
my inability to stop eating food no matter how not-hungry I am, simply because it tastes good.

12. What's the worst thing about the opposite sex?
 how they get all the good graphic t-shirt options at stores like Target and Kohl's. They get like 30 choices and we get 10, if even that. Not fair.

13. Are you upset about anything?
No, although my neighbors are having a party outside and they're being super loud.

14. Can you fit your hand around your wrist?
I have stubby fingers and chunky man wrists, so no.

15. What is the worst mistake you made in your life?
Maybe choosing to go to a private college? I wouldn't trade my friends there for anything, but I didn't have the greatest first year and I don't really want to go back...or be in debt for the rest of my life.

16. What's your fast food restaurant of choice?
Subway or Tacobell

17. What's the most embarrassing song on your iTunes?
"Bake a Cake" - Lazy Town

18. When did you first kiss the last person you kissed?
March 27th

19. What was the last good news that you heard?
My mom was bringing home my favorite pizza for dinner

20. Have you done anything sneaky lately?
Yeah. Erika isn't so innocent anymore.

Tag! You're it! If you're reading this, you get to take this quiz and post it on your blog. I also tag neoleostory, the gvn syndrome, Palina, Sara, and Erika.

Book Review: Eleanor & Park

Every night, before I shut my eyes and drift into an innocent slumber, I pray to God that more novels would be published starring not-so-skinny teenagers who fall head over heels in love for Asian misfits.

Ok, that's total bologna, but after finishing the last book I checked out from the library, any story depicting average American teens with good looks is just...boring. I want deeper conflicts and unique characters with mixed ethnicities. I want a love story so real and beautifully written that my heart swells and breaks and grows three sizes that day. Friends, I found that book, and I want the rest of the world to experience it too.

cover art by Harriet Russell

"Eleanor & Park" by Rainbow Rowell (yes, Rainbow) is one of the best books I have ever had the pleasure of reading. Unlike most of the young adult fiction I read, this one is written in third person and is limited to the two main characters, Eleanor and Park, as it switches between the thoughts of each of them. This particular narrative style connects the two protagonists in a way so special that you know the characters are in love without the author ever having to spell it out. It takes place in Nebraska in 1986 and focuses on the lives of two sixteen-year-olds who feel like outsiders compared with the rest of their class. Eleanor not only comes from a broken, abusive home, but is also mocked for having crazy red hair and being overweight. Park is half Korean, half Irish and likes to wear eyeliner. From the first time they meet on the bus to school, their lives are changed forever. As their friendship turns into a vigorous attraction that neither of them can deny, they realize that being in love doesn't rid them of their problems, yet they're still brave enough to try.

This book. This book.This book.This book. I cannot.

It's been over a year since I've read anything that has given me such immense feelings over every aspect of the book. This one grabbed tightly to my heart from the very first chapter and continued to turn it into mush as I faithfully turned the pages. I was so enchanted by the characters' story that my heart crushed near the end and I cried like I was losing a close friend. At the very last page, I literally cried out, hating the idea that I had to go on with my life without knowing exactly where Eleanor and Park ended up. I fiercely crave to read more, even if it's as uneventful as what Eleanor ate for breakfast or what comic currently took up space on Park's lap.

All other books seem bland and juvenile and poorly written in comparison. Reading Rainbow's writing is like getting to eat your favorite candy. It's addictive, pure, and intensely satisfying. As someone who aspires to be an author, this book is my gold. I want to study it, learn from it, and steal all her tricks. This is the type of book that will affect the way I write and change the way I think about teenage love stories. I cannot get enough.

The fun part? Park is the first crush I've had on a fictional character since Maximum Ride's Iggy in middle school. Every time he said something heart-felt, I died and wanted to yank Eleanor's sleeve when she rolled her eyes at him.

Look at this awesome fan art! ( c ) pbjsandwitch

So basically, read this book. It doesn't matter if you've never read in the young adult genre or hate romance or are biased against unconventional main characters. This book is worth every ounce of your time. It will teach you how to love and be loved, how to face your problems, and the meaning of family.

Need I coax you more? When I finished this book in bed around noon, the only thing urging me to start my day was knowing that I had to get my hands on my own copy. I went straight to Barnes & Noble and spent $20 on the hardcover. When the paperback version comes out, I'll probably buy that one too. With quotes like, "Holding Eleanor's hand was like holding a butterfly. Or a heartbeat," there is much highlighting to be done.


On Repeat: "Waiting For a Girl Like You" - Foreigner
Currently Reading: Second Chance Summer by Morgan Matson
Days Until California: 18

Kitties and Eggs

Who spent all her money today? This girl did! There's something about being on vacation and venturing into a street of gift shops that makes you go, "That's a nice keychain of a stuffed cat. I need that keychain kitty. I most definitely have five dollars to spend on that." Of course, this happens with every item that catches your fancy, until eventually your arm is weighed down with shopping bags full of stuff you'd never allow yourself to buy if you were at home. It's all good though, because I bought my mom some stuff and she bought me even more stuff, so really, the love was more than shared today.

My dad and brother headed on a two-day hike in the mountains, so my mom and I got to spoil ourselves with fancy chocolate and handmade jewelery. Before we gave up our wallets though, we started the day by drinking tea while overlooking this fantabulous river. The tea, by the way, was Celestial's Cinnamon Apple Spice and it was delicious ten times over.  We then walked into town and spent the next several hours doing what I described above: blowing our money on things we don't need. (All shopping is blowing your money on things you don't need though. You don't really need those earrings or that bottle of wine.)

The very best part of my day was the burger I had for dinner. Ohmygod I am salivating just thinking about it. I know I've said this about other meals I've had, but I am telling the truth now: the Beaumont Gourmet Burger form the Beaumont Grill is the best thing I have ever eaten. Dear lord, I have never tasted anything so good.  The menu description says it best (mostly because I have no idea what some of the stuff is): Rocky Mountain Certified Angus Beef grilled to order & layered with Crispy Pancetta, Gruyere Cheese, Soft Fried Egg, Crispy Leeks, & Stoneground Mustard Aioli served with House Fries. Say what? It was the egg that sold me, since I've never heard of an egg on a burger and sweet jesus I do not want to know a beef patty without one from this day forward. I would pay $30 for that burger. I would fly from Michigan to Colorado just to have that burger again. And the fries? Best I've ever had.

And now for the fun stuff...CATS! 

My kitty, Mr. Baldy Legs, so rudely interrupting my packing.

This precious muffin got to sleep with me while I stayed at my cousins' house.

Fuzzy lives at his mother's store and walks down the street to check what other animals have peed in the alley.

Are these posts even enjoyable to read? Should I just stick to writing in a journal? Is my writing too technical? Do I lack voice? Honest comments would be nice. Except no one ever reads this far, so I will never know what my readers want. Oh, but you're still reading, are you? Would you like a secret for being such a good friend? Ok...I don't like the Beatles. I think they're awful.

On Repeat: "Swim Until You Can't See Land" - Frightened Rabbit
Days Until California: 35