Dorm Life: Living in a Triple

I didn't have time to write a quality post today, so I'm sharing a sample blog post I had to write for an application to be a student blogger at my school. Unless you're an incoming college freshman, this probably won't apply to you...sorry.

triple (n): A dorm room that houses three people.

In July before my freshman year, I obsessively checked my email for the message that would reveal the fate of my first year at college: my housing assignment. 

Whether or not you’ll have a good time at college is based on where you live and who you room with, right? You’ve heard the horror stories of the girl who tears apart her roommate’s closet for not being invited to a dinner party, or the guy who brings his pet rat and lets it freely run around the room. A lot of scary stuff could happen! 

So the day Residential Life sent me *the email*, I was all kinds of anxious. One click to open the email, a quick scroll to the important stuff, and there it was: the names of my roommates. 

Roommates, plural. Now my biggest concern wasn’t if I would get along with one person, but if I would get along with two. I cried. I pleaded with God, wondering why he would throw down such a curse on me, the introvert.  College was coming fast though, and there was nothing I could do but hope for the best.

Did I shake you up enough? Get you worried about your life on campus? Well don’t be afraid, my friend, because I have fabulous deets to share. Living with two other people is actually one of the best things that happened to me freshman year! I loved my room and roomies so much that we’re in the same room together for a second year. So fear not when you open up that housing email and see that you’ll be living in a triple, because I’m filling you in on the perks…

Top 3 perks of living in a triple:

• 1.      More space. Besides a few exceptions, living in a triple means there is more room to move, stretch, and hang out. Plus, the extra space offers more opportunities for moving the furniture around and fitting in more stuff.
• 2.      Fewer items to bring. Three people mean having an extra person to do their part in bringing the essentials. Things like a fan, TV, couch, fridge, and extra shelving is split between more people, so you end up saving money.
• 3.     Always have a friend. No one wants to go to lunch alone, so if one roommate has class during the only time you can eat, chances are your other roommate is free to eat with you. Also, if all of you are majoring in different things, your roommates can introduce you to people in fields that you would have never interacted with otherwise.

If you happen to be placed in a triple, don’t think of it as a curse, but think of it as a blessing!

The effects of negative thinking

For the research class I'm in, we had to write a 20 page paper on a topic of our choice. Monday was the due date for our rough drafts and since then, we've been reading 6 papers written by our peers per week and giving them our feedback. Today, I read a fantastic essay on the ramifications of modernity in Nepal. For a first draft, it was nearly perfect. I found myself intrigued by a topic I never would have willingly read about because of how well the words flowed off the page. It was so good. And I was jealous.

The author of this paper is in my creative writing poetry class too where I also marvel his work. Finding out that he wasn't just a pro at writing creatively, but that he could master formal essays too, I grew horribly disappointed in myself. While he wrote 20 pages of perfection in two weeks, I couldn't even write that much or that well if I were given two months. With his ability to create a paper so well written in so little time, I was reminded of how it takes hours and hours and revisions upon revisions to come up with something I'm proud of. With people like him in the world, I'll never amount to anything.

Then I think of the other people I know who are better writers than I am who don't even have an interest in perusing a career in writing.  I hate to say it's not fair, but it's not. I like writing, but it just takes me so darn long to write something that people won't regard as boring or underdeveloped. (I know this post isn't quality writing, but I'm sharing it anyway. This is my blog. I vent without the intention of impressing.) At least I'm aware of what sucks about my writing; this way I can work to improve.

Negative thoughts like these swelled in my mind for the next few hours which made me very depressed and down on myself. I thought about ditching my English major and giving up on my dreams of becoming an author. What's the point in continuing this path if no one will ever react to my writing the same way that I reacted to a college student's work?

The only person I can remember who said she sincerely liked my writing is my best friend Erin, but even then she was referring to the style I take to when writing emails. I am very very thankful for her and if I do continue writing, I see it being because of her. She's the only one who faithfully reads my blog posts anyway. So Erin, this one is for you. How do I keep myself from thinking I suck so much?

A Day in the Life of a College Procrastinator

As expected, I waited to write my 20-page research paper until the weekend before it's due. Yesterday, I wrote 3 pages in 12 hours. Today, I plan to write 14 pages in 15 hours (since only the rough draft is due, I'm gonna slack and only reach 17 pages). Some people can write 3 pages an hour, but that ain't me. I'm only good for writing a paragraph every 2 hours. So I'll document my progress every hour and you'll get to see how sucky I am at staying focused. Woooooo let's gooooo!

12:00 pm: I, along with a few other hardcore studiers, waited outside the library's doors until it opened at noon precisely. It was like waiting for Willy Wonka to let the winners of the Golden Ticket into the Chocolate Factory.

12:20 pm: My phone's inbox is 99% full, so I can't get any work done until I clear it out. Also, I'm a little hungry so I'm gonna eat this bagel I smuggled out of the dining hall.

1:00 pm: My inbox is now at 84%, iheartradio keeps breaking, and I have to pee. Time to work.

2:20 pm: Eating applesauce. Wondering what direction I can take my paper in. Wishing the library weren't so quiet so I could chomp on some carrot sticks without getting annoyed looks from everyone. Realizing how heavily my life revolves around feeding myself.

3:40 pm: An actual thought that struck my mind: "I want to quit my life." So far, I've written a paragraph. I'm going to write for another hour and then get coffee.

4:40 pm: I still only have a paragraph written, but the good news is that I know what I can devote another 350 words to! But I need food first. Let's see if I can convince my poor roommate who has been in the fetal position all day with cramps to go to dinner with me.

5:25 pm: COOOOFFFFFFFEEEEEEEE!

6:25 pm: Going to the bathroom for the sixth time today. Oh yeah, I wrote a page!!! Just 13 more to go. 

6:45 pm: Eating the apple walnut turkey wrap that I snuck from the dining hall to eat as a midnight snack because I'm a fatass who can't concentrate without having food in my mouth.

7:20 pm: Starting to panic because the library closes in less than 5 hours and I still have so much work to do. In case you were wondering about my bladder, I just went to the bathroom again.

8:00 pm: I just had a moment with the girl sitting next to me where we smiled at each other with equal expressions of "Yup, it's gonna be a long night for me too."

9:00 pm: I found a new direction to take my paper and I'm really enjoying it! I wish I had started this journey weeks ago so that I could actually write something that isn't word vomit and be proud of what I uncovered. Let this be a lesson, kids.

10:00 pm: Listening to Ellie Goulding's "Tessellate" because I needed a dance party in my head. Triiiiangles are my favourite shape. Made it to page 6!

11:00 pm: I'm just gonna end this now because I already know how my night will go. At midnight I'll begrudgingly leave the library and take a shower. Then I'll set up camp in the basement of my residence hall and probably stare at nothing a bunch more times. At 5 am I will cry as the janitors come in to start their day of work. At 6:45 am I'll give up and drag myself to my room where I will then sleep for 3 seconds (1.5 hours).

 I have failed.


On Repeat: "Latch" - Disclosure
I'm craving: chocolate and a cat to hug

Nykerk Love

If you were wondering about my lack of blog posts in the month of October, I was involved with a massive tradition at my school and didn't have a lot of time. The tradition is called Nykerk and has been around for 79 years. Basically, it's a competition between freshman and sophomore girls by way of song, play, and oration. I was a part of the song category where 124 other girls and I dedicated 13 hours a week to practicing a medley with synchronized hand motions. Our big performance was on Saturday where we were scored by a panel of judges who decide the winner by averaging the scores of all three categories in both grades.

After three weeks of practice, this is what we looked like (watch in HD!):

(The view is better in this video, but the sound quality is better here)

I'm in the front row, fifth from the left.

Not too bad, eh? I actually thought we were pretty good, but that was before I saw the video recording. After watching it a few times, I can totally see why we didn't beat the freshman. We were rushing and barely had any props in comparison. You can see our competition here. (They did a fantastic job. Nykerk Love!)

The whole show is three hours long and song girls like me are judged on smiling the entire. time. I had a coughing fit right after we performed because my mouth was dry from smiling for so long. Plus, we're pretty much packed like sardines on the 40-year-old bleachers. Our running joke was "Get Nykerk comfortable!"

One of the really fun things about being in Nykerk is getting a morale boy. Our practices can be long and tiring so every night we look forward to a goofy skit performed by a group of guys we call "song boys." Their job is to make us laugh and feel special...and buy us candy. Every guy has to morale seven girls each week of the Nykerk season, but the twist is that the girls don't know who is moraling them until the night before the performance. So they hang encouraging posters on our doors, tape candy to them, and sign with their secret signature.

Chuckie Finster, my morale boy, went over the top on the last day. In a pumpkin bucket, he gave me 13 Hershey's chocolate bars, my favorite bag of chips, and a bunch of other candy. This was in addition to the other candy he had already given me with his previous posters. I never thought I'd say this, but I am now sick of Hershey's chocolate. Then, as tradition goes, he showed up at my door on Friday night and presented me with a rose. Nykerk Love is so sweet.

I hate stats class

Research Question: Does Intro to Statistics make Erika an unhappy student?

Hypotheses:
      Null: Intro to Statistics has no effect on Erika's happiness.
      Alternative: Intro to Statistics makes Erika unhappy.

Studies show that going to Stats class three days a week for a total of 210 minutes makes Erika feel useless and dumb because she cannot pay attention to the professor's heavy Russian accent. Her average quiz score is 67% or D+. After spending 6 hours studying for the second test, she received a 65% which left her feeling frustrated and discouraged.

The p-value for this study is 0.00001, therefore we reject the null hypothesis. In conclusion, we have strong evidence to suggest that Intro to Statistics makes Erika an unhappy student.

Welcome to my life this semester. Today, I spent 2 hours trying to work on a stats project with my friend Sarah, but all we accomplished in that time was downing 14 oz of our favorite coffee drinks and writing "I hate stats" on a piece of paper with our non-dominant hands.


That's the worst thing about going to a liberal arts college: you're required to take 10 credits of math and science no matter what your major is. Yay for sucking at stuff!


On Repeat: Just the sound of my future crumbling into nothingness
# of times I've watched The Princess Diaries this school year: 3
# of coffee shop visits this school year: 5

Things to consider when searching for the perfect study spot

I had just found the perfect place to study on the fourth floor of the library. It was a quiet little room with a window and had plenty of space for me to spread out. I set my backpack on one of the chairs and unloaded my computer, writing supplies, and homework. I took my sweatshirt off, pulled the rain boots off my feet, and plugged my phone in the wall to charge. As I uncapped a highlighter to begin annotating an article, I became aware of the most annoying sound ever: the irregular clanging of metal coming from somewhere in the ceiling. I tried to ignore it, but this faint murmur of death could not be unheard. What a rookie mistake to not look for annoyances before I set up camp. Things like this always happen to me, so I thought I better take note of what to consider before I make the same mistake again. Hopefully I can help you out too.

1. Would it bother you to sit in a place where a lot of people pass by? Tables or chairs set near stairwells, bathrooms, drinking fountains, or computers/printers are high traffic areas. If you're anything like me, you'll want to look at every single person who walks by and you'll never get anything done. Plus there's the awkward eye contact...
2. Sitting next to a window might be a bad idea. Cars driving by, couples holding hands on the sidewalk, squirrels shaking trees, and pictures in the clouds could all distract you from your work. Or, the natural lighting could put you in a better mood. Plus you’d be reminded that even though you may be dying with the gazillion hours of work you must do, life is waiting to greet you when you’re (hopefully) done.
3. Lighting. Do you absolutely hate the artificial glow of yellow lights? Will there be a bothersome glare on your computer screen?
4. Does your desired spot have an outlet close enough to plug your charger into? If the outlet is embedded in a metal chamber on the floor, your cell phone charger with a bulky plug might not fit. Then how could you send derpy pictures to your friends if your phone is dead?
5. Before you unpack all your studying supplies, be still. Are there any noises that could disturb your thinking? Tiny but incessant sounds are like Chinese water torture for your brain!
6. Little things: Is it too cold? Too hot? Do you have enough room to work?

Of course, before you go through all of that, it's important to make sure you have all your studying essentials before you leave your house. You don't want to get all the way to the library and find that you forgot your headphones. When I'm gearing up for a six hour study session, I remember to bring:

• laptop and charger
• cell phone and charger
• water
• snacks/candy/gum
• a sweatshirt (in case it gets cold)
• earbuds/headphones
• tissues
• library card/ID
• extra paper
• extra homework (you know, for those times when you're more productive than you expected...yeah it doesn't happen to me either, but one can dream!) 

 Cool, I just wasted 2 hours finding the perfect spot to study, writing this post, and dancing to One Direction. It sucks that the library closes at 5 pm on Saturdays.

On Repeat: "Fine By Me" - Andy Grammer

Number of Froyo trips I've made this school year: 2
Number of coffee shop visits this school year: 4

The sunshine part of my blog

Today was a shooting-star, twirl-around-in-a-field-of-daisies, sunshine-sublime kind of day. So naturally I'm going to tell you about it. Hellllooo, sunshine and semicolons?

8:30 am: I met one of my good friends for a cup of conversation at a coffee shop downtown. For a reason that I cannot remember, he owed me "one free trip to a coffeehouse of choice" so we got hot chocolate and sweet treats while talking about goofy stuff.  It was super sweet of him to be so generous.

*the hours between 9 am and 1 pm were actually blah because of class, me being tired, and getting pissed about something, but that's just the way things go*

3:00 pm: Over the weekend, I emailed a girl I used to have playdates with in kindergarten but haven't seen in over 10 years. She's now a freshman at my school so I thought I'd reach out and see how her first weeks at college have been going. We met at the rival coffee place of the one I visited this morning and had a really good chat about college experiences. She's basically the ideal child -- outgoing, responsible, kind-hearted, and gorgeous. I hope to see more of her soon.

4:00 pm: Ms. Bubbly had taken over! I texted my boyfriend really sweet thoughts and I offered my roommates chocolate from my personal stash. Just lovely vibes coming from my soul.

5:00 pm: I work in my library's writing center where I help students through all stages of the writing process. An adorable freshman came in looking for help with formatting a paper. His positive attitude was contagious and he was so eager to hear my suggestions; so precious, this boy! It's moments like this when I really love my job.

6:30 pm: Dinner time! I can't eat dinner with my friends on Thursdays because I get out of work so late. I decided to treat myself to a dinner alone by sneaking in to the better dining hall (clarification: My college has two dining halls. One is awful in atmosphere and food while the other one is spectacular and delicious and basically all things wonderful. Rules are, only upper classmen can eat in the good one, and I have not attained that status yet.) I had the best college food I'd eaten in weeks and it was so nice.

7:00 pm: I recently got hooked on the blog, A Beautiful Mess. It's basically a magical place for inspiration and DIY loveliness. I was mesmerized for hours by all the creativity! Their blog makes me want to fast forward to life out of college where I'm able to sew my own clothes, open my own sweet shoppe, and be a mom. There really is no reason to not dream big. 

9:00 pm: I had myself a Dove milk chocolate, the kind with inspirational or happy quotes on the inner wrapper. Mine said "Discover yourself." Today, it was clear what makes me most happy. I love being kind to others and seeing their kindness ring back. I love dreaming as if nothing was holding me back. I love chocolate, helping others, and appreciating good food. When you consciously realize these things, why focus on anything else?
 

On Repeat: Pandora's Frank Sinatra station (because Frank Sinatra-esque music makes me happy!)
Number of Froyo trips I've made this school year: 2
Number of specialty coffee drinks I've had this school year: 4

One more thing! It's my best friend Erica's birthday today! Well, only for a couple more hours. Drop her a sweet message in her ask or leave a comment on this post. She'd love to hear it, even if it's past today's date.

A Year Ago Today #2

 A year ago today, I stuffed my Astro van to the ceiling with all the essentials people need for their freshman year of college. I sat in the back seat and felt my stomach drop and knot as my mind became a breeding ground for nervous thoughts. I met my first ever roommates. I made small talk and pretended I was excited to be eating lunch with people I just met. My dad embarrassed me. My mom made my blood boil. I cried when they left two days later. I was alone while strangers slept beside me.

That was a year ago.

This time around, getting ready to go back to college was less big of a deal than deciding where my family was going to eat for a goodbye dinner. This time, I didn't worry.

Because I got a job in my school's writing center, I had to move in early for training. The only other people on campus until today have been students with jobs. Then the freshman started arriving, and I've been wishing I were one of them. I walked around the central spot on campus while all the freshman were gathered in groups for ice-breaker activities and I wanted so much to be in their shoes. Freshman year oozes a sense of possibility and wonderment. When you immerse yourself into something so new so quick, you believe anything is possible. My 18-year-old self discovered right away, however, that the longer you wait to pursue new things, the harder it is to make a change in yourself.

I wanted to be the girl who could stay out late with large groups of people, but my introversion and need for sleep got the best of me. I wanted to be the one who started conversation with classmates, but I was easily intimidated. I wanted to be someone that people eagerly asked to be partners with, but I believed I was boring, so others did too. Soon enough, my freshman year became a sort of death sentence. I had more anxiety and depression than any other time in my life. I also lost any relationship I had with God even though my school is know for being Christian.

So seeing the freshman in a place where I was a year ago gives me a new sense of possibility. I can still be all the things I wanted to be last year. I can be anyone I want. The good thing about being a sophomore is that college isn't a surprise. I know what to expect, so this time I don't need to be so nervous. I have friends, a job, and considerably less anxiety than last year. I  can do anything I want and I can't wait to try.  

A message my friend wrote on our last day of freshman year

On Repeat: "Shiver Shake" - Royal Hoax
This is me filling up space where other countdowns and things should go, but I have nothing to put so here are words...do you have any suggestions for new endnotes?

Also, fun fact: I met my boyfriend a year ago today, even though we didn't start talking until the end of January. I like him; he says things like "I imagine so."

Stream of Consciousness

I'm sitting here on the third floor of the library trying not to cry.
It's Friday afternoon and classes are officially done for the summer.
To celebrate, most of my school is outside in the central part of campus, having fun at Spring Fling.
I'm pretty sure I'm only one of maybe ten other students who chose studying over hanging out with friends on the first nice day of the season.
Except I don't really want to be here, alone on the quiet floor while my mind suffocates my entire being.
I'm past the point of being angry at myself.
Now I just roll my eyes and tell myself, "You are a dumb shit, Erika."
I'm so fed up with my work ethic lately.
I hate how I never do my homework on time anymore.
I hate how I find it normal to have to turn papers and projects in late.
I hate how I know my GPA is dropping and all I do is shrug my shoulders.
This was never me.
And now my thoughts are tunneling in on the idea that this is how college will be for me from here on out.
I see myself developing a panic disorder.
My heart now has an irregular beat that tumbles and stutters every time I look to my homework and come up with blank thoughts.
I can't do this anymore.
Class is over. I should be done. I should be spending these final days with the friends I won't see until next year.
My life is slipping out of my grasp and I'm not doing anything about it.
I don't care about anything anymore.
I need to see a counselor.
I have less than a week left with the first boy I've ever loved and I want to puke every time I think about having to leave him.
I need a hug.
I want to be left alone.
I don't want to be a burden.
I want to fade into the worn-out carpet of the least-known building so others will forget about me so that I can forget about myself.
Two girls I'm partially friends with just ran into the library to give me ice cream; I'm crying harder now, terrified and amazed that it's the people you'd never expect that care the most.
It scares me the way I'm treating a public blog like a diary.
I want to sleep for the next seven days.
I want to be home.
I don't want to leave.
This post doesn't fix anything.
I still have hours and hours of work to do.
I knew I shouldn't have put on mascara today.

i miss twitter

May or may not be eating my way through a bag of Whoppers Robin Eggs until my throat is swollen through sweet, sugary induction. 

May or may not be on the fourth floor of the library dancing in my seat to Hot Chelle Rae's "Downtown Girl." Intoxicated.

May or may not be justifying my procrastination of my religion essay by believing this post is essential to my creative thinking.

May or may not be dreaming of breakfast for dinner, dancing in the rain, and being in the arms of my favorite boy.



On Repeat: "Downtown Girl" - Hot Chelle Rae

In my writing class last semester, we had to come up with a paper that focused on a significant event in our lives. Originally, I was thinking of writing about one of the mission trips I went on or the time my brother had to stay in a psych ward for abusing drugs and alcohol. As my professor continued to suggest topics for inspiration, he said, "You shouldn't choose the time you went to Disney World, because there's nothing interesting about how you got to ride Space Mountain ten minutes faster thanks to FASTPASS."

Hold on.

Did he just say Disney World? As in no one can write about Disney World?

If anyone is capable of putting meaning to a trip to Disney, it's me. So here's what I, being a Disney freak and complete child, came up with:

The characters, events, and outcomes of Disney movies are as real to me as the people in this class are real to you.  It’s not that I believe in evil queens that transform into monstrous fire-breathing dragons or magic glowing hair that has the power to heal.  I do, however, have faith in a character’s journey to find her place in the world and ultimately live her dreams.  The self-discovery and happily-ever-after that Disney is famous for are elements I can’t help but believe to be true in real life.  After all, the classic stories we grew up with are a reflection of life, just hyped up and colored with magic.

What I'll be missing

The perks of being home from college:

• Getting to sing as loud and as bad as I want without embarrassing myself.
• Not having to wear a bra to bed. 
• Getting to talk about and fangirl over One Direction without anyone thinking I'm a loser.
• Starting my day with a solo dance party (music blasting; major white girl dance moves).
• CATS!
• Ditching the flip-flops when I shower.
• Not having to wait for a shower.
• Having a car to drive (where I can blast more music and whip out more white girl dance moves). 

Basically, being home means being accepted unconditionally and not having to worry about what other people think of me. As someone who is constantly thinking others are judging me negatively, being home is like finally being able to breathe. Too bad I go back to school tomorrow.


On Repeat: "Hot Air Balloon" - Owl City


(End Note: Why am I an English major again? In my first point, should that be "as loudly and as badly"? Should that question mark be inside the quotation mark? Do I put a period outside of these parenthesis? I suck.)