Sunshine and Semicolons: A Day in the Life of a College Procrastinator

As expected, I waited to write my 20-page research paper until the weekend before it's due. Yesterday, I wrote 3 pages in 12 hours. Today, I plan to write 14 pages in 15 hours (since only the rough draft is due, I'm gonna slack and only reach 17 pages). Some people can write 3 pages an hour, but that ain't me. I'm only good for writing a paragraph every 2 hours. So I'll document my progress every hour and you'll get to see how sucky I am at staying focused. Woooooo let's gooooo!

12:00 pm: I, along with a few other hardcore studiers, waited outside the library's doors until it opened at noon precisely. It was like waiting for Willy Wonka to let the winners of the Golden Ticket into the Chocolate Factory.

12:20 pm: My phone's inbox is 99% full, so I can't get any work done until I clear it out. Also, I'm a little hungry so I'm gonna eat this bagel I smuggled out of the dining hall.

1:00 pm: My inbox is now at 84%, iheartradio keeps breaking, and I have to pee. Time to work.

2:20 pm: Eating applesauce. Wondering what direction I can take my paper in. Wishing the library weren't so quiet so I could chomp on some carrot sticks without getting annoyed looks from everyone. Realizing how heavily my life revolves around feeding myself.

3:40 pm: An actual thought that struck my mind: "I want to quit my life." So far, I've written a paragraph. I'm going to write for another hour and then get coffee.

4:40 pm: I still only have a paragraph written, but the good news is that I know what I can devote another 350 words to! But I need food first. Let's see if I can convince my poor roommate who has been in the fetal position all day with cramps to go to dinner with me.

5:25 pm: COOOOFFFFFFFEEEEEEEE!

6:25 pm: Going to the bathroom for the sixth time today. Oh yeah, I wrote a page!!! Just 13 more to go.

6:45 pm: Eating the apple walnut turkey wrap that I snuck from the dining hall to eat as a midnight snack because I'm a fatass who can't concentrate without having food in my mouth.

7:20 pm: Starting to panic because the library closes in less than 5 hours and I still have so much work to do. In case you were wondering about my bladder, I just went to the bathroom again.

8:00 pm: I just had a moment with the girl sitting next to me where we smiled at each other with equal expressions of "Yup, it's gonna be a long night for me too."

9:00 pm: I found a new direction to take my paper and I'm really enjoying it! I wish I had started this journey weeks ago so that I could actually write something that isn't word vomit and be proud of what I uncovered. Let this be a lesson, kids.

10:00 pm: Listening to Ellie Goulding's "Tessellate" because I needed a dance party in my head. Triiiiangles are my favourite shape. Made it to page 6!

11:00 pm: I'm just gonna end this now because I already know how my night will go. At midnight I'll begrudgingly leave the library and take a shower. Then I'll set up camp in the basement of my residence hall and probably stare at nothing a bunch more times. At 5 am I will cry as the janitors come in to start their day of work. At 6:45 am I'll give up and drag myself to my room where I will then sleep for 3 seconds (1.5 hours).